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Sep 22 2013

Richard from the Pub

Richard slammed his fist on the bar, and loudly declared to his excited audience:
I’ll tell you annova fing, mate!
The barman nodded at him with tired eyes, without distracting himself from his work.

I bet…

He said, and paused for effect. His blood flushed veins bulging in shades of purple and crimson.
I bet there are more nobel winners who drink at the Crown and Anchor, than all those fucking Muslims put together!

“Sure, mate”
The barman said

Just then, Jez brayed from his corner on the armchair at the end of the bar.
“You talking about Mexicans? I bloody hate Mexicans!”

Fuck off, Jez!
Richard shouted back.
“Bloody Mexicans. Feckless, flatulent, fucks.”

Sep 14 2013

51st Shade of Grey

She flicked the ashes of her cigarette. Blew the smoke down her bare breasts, and said:

“Perhaps, we could think of ‘us’ as, passing ships in the night.”

He shook his head. He had no idea what she just said, nor did he care.

Whose toothbrush did I use just then? Was it hers?

It didn’t matter. That would not even make it to the top 100 of the dirtiest things they have done. He leaned over to her ear and whispered:

This song is perfect!

She gently lifted her warm butt-cheek and released a strange perfume into the balmy night from her silky buttocks, accompanied by a fanfare of trombones played by a thousand angels.

Yes! I knew something was missing!